die, adjust or migrate

five (really) good things

Liz over at be present, be here dared us to show five really good things today.

Dare accepted.

  

 

 

 

All things Australian

A few weeks ago now Keron at The Colourguru put out a call for dolls. She started this great site called Love It Forward to send happy and joyous feelings out into the world. As an offspring of that came the dolls; handmade dolls to give to children who lost everything in the fires in Victoria. I have a special fondness for both the Victoria region, children and dolls so it was a natural fit! Well, my dolls - creatures really - are ready to go. The criteria for the dolls were that they be no taller than 6 inches tall and have a heart on them somewhere. Here they are!

They are winging their way to Keron and, hopefully, into the hearts of little ones.

The other thing I did today was also inspired by an Australian artist. I so admire the work that Ro Bruhn does. Awhile back she showed a book that she had made using junk mail. My friend, Carol, and I got together today to make books and I did one inspired by Ro.

I used a variety of junk mail to do the front collage as well. The book covers are made using a large labels envelope and a shipping envelope. Inside I used everything from old newspapers to delivery menus to business cards and adverts from realtors. It is a real hodgepodge of different size pages and paper. Here are some shots I took tonight. Sorry about the light - it was rather glaring but there was little I could do about it unless I wanted to take pictures in the dark!

 

This is the cover. I think that I may still add some more to the collage before I seal it. And below are two of the inside spreads.

 

 

Stay tuned for these pages to be transformed! Here are some that Ro did in her book. It is hard to believe that the book started out with a bunch of junk mail like mine!

I am going to use it to continue my exploration from the 12 Secrets book group. More to the point, I am going to use it explore my positive priorities, serenity stealers and ways that I can take exquisite care of myself. It is going to be a book devoted to the renewal of me: physically, emotionally and spiritually. I can hardly wait to start working in it!

Secret #11 - Subtracting Serenity Stealers

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

WOW! What a powerful chapter Secret #11 Subtracting Serenity Stealers from  12 Habits of Highly Creative Women was for me! I think that this one chapter may just have been the most insightful one for me yet. The margins are covered in notes and exclamation marks. The words are underlined all over. This chapter has my name on it big time!!!! It is like it is all coming together for me now and I finally “get” how this book will impact my life - not just my creative life - but my whole life.

I have to say that my two biggest serenity stealers are my debt and all of the clutter in my life.

The debt issue is being dealt with - slowly but surely - and I can see a place in the future where I will not be worried over bills and payments and everything else all of the time.  I wish that I could snap my fingers and just have it disappear but I know that I am capable of moving beyond this and creating a different kind of financial life for myself.

As to the clutter. Sigh...my home and my classroom are both so cluttered with my past that they leave no room for my future. I no longer want to live in my past. I want to move forward to a future filled with abundance and joy. This chapter came during my Spring Break and, ironically, decluttering my house has been my focus all week! I have cleared out two boxes of stuff that no longer serves a purpose for me or fills my heart with joy. I can already feel a difference in how I physically feel in our space. I am happier, calmer and more at ease within myself with the space cleared of clutter. Now, if only the rest of my family would do the same! It is so hard to want to live in a serene environment when no one else in the house seems to care. I am the kind of person who likes everything to have a place and it just ends up being too much effort and too stressful trying to maintain it on my own so I give up. This cycle of caring, giving up, caring again, giving up again, has been on going for a long time and I would really love to put an end to it for good.

It is scary for me to see how many burnout symptoms I currently have. So many of them have to do with my emotional state. I have been dealing with pretty major relationship burnout, as well as, some feelings of burnout with my job and my creative life. I drive myself crazy because I know in my heart what I need to do to help myself to have less stress and more serenity. I know but I choose not to do it. Am I not deserving? Do I not deserve to have my days filled with joy and peace? Why do I keep on keeping on with the behaviours and choices that give me stress and steal my serenity? I bet if I could figure out the answer to that and bottle it, I would be a gazillionaire!!!!! This ties into last chapter and my attitude of scarcity rather than abundance. I think that with an attitude of abundance comes a feeling of being worthy of self-care, worthy of all your dreams. I believe that I will feel this more as I throw off my attitude of scarcity and learn to re-embrace my belief that I will be taken care of by the universe.

"Managing your stress demands that you take exquisite care of yourself and your creative powers."

Exquisite care.

Not just care. Exquisite care.

Not just being good to yourself. Exquisite care.

What would that look like? What changes would I see in my life if I was taking exquisite care of myself? That word - exquisite - speaks to me so deeply. I know that I need to put some energy into learning what that would look like, what it would feel like deep within me. Exquisite care. I realize that I have had many, many life changes in the past few years and that I have not really dealt with their emotional, physical and spiritual effect on me. Exquisite care.

"Now it’s time to recognize your personal Serenity Stealers - people, tasks, situations, or environments that drain your creative potential. All forward growth begins with letting go."

My awareness of my needs is the beginning of change, the seeds have been planted within me with each chapter read, each moment of stillness I permit myself to take, every visit to another‘s blog to read their honesty. I am so grateful to have had this journey with the 12 Secrets because it is opening me up to areas within myself that I have put aside, failed to nurture or simply forgotten. I believe it is time to find myself again. To let go of those things in my life that no longer serve me positively (or perhaps never did) and to begin to care for myself… exquisitely.

New necklaces!!!

WOW! Two posts in one day. That must be a record for me! The sun was out and the Spring light was cooperating so I thought I would go out to the garden and try to get some shots of a few of my necklaces. These will be uploaded to my etsy site in the next day or so. Enjoy!

 

 

Is Spring Finally Here?

After the freak snow storms of earlier this week, it appears that the flowers have decided that Spring is really around the corner. I love when the crocuses spring up everywhere. There is a yard near my school that ends up being a sea of purple and white. It is beautiful!!!

I took my camera out with me today when I was meeting up with my friend and her daughter at a local coffee shop. It is a very cool shop called Kokopelli that has yummy food and a children's play area in the back so that parents can sit and relax with their coffee while their children amuse themselves with a myriad of toys. I wish that there had been a coffee shop like that when my daughter was younger. It is amazing to me that there are almost 10 years between Anna and Teaghan. Aren't they both beautiful? Anna is such a joy. Her mother, Sheila, is my oldest friend (we met in grade 8). I was so very happy when the adoption for Anna went through. Sheila and her husband, Don, are the most amazing parents and Anna is as blessed to have them as they are to have her.

My daughter, Teaghan, loves being around little kids and, most especially, Anna. I think it gives her a taste of what having a sibling might have been like! It is so crazy to think that while Sheila is talking about preschool, I am getting ready to send my Teaghan off to high school in September!!!! How did she suddenly get so grown up?

Today is a good day. Filled with flowers and friends. Does it get any better than that?

Secret 10: Living in Abundance with Positive Priorities

After reading chapter 10 of The 12 Secrets of Highly Creative Women I have been thinking a lot about my priorities.

What are my priorities?

What is important to me?

How do I want to live my life?

What do I want to look back on and remember about my life? What do I want people to remember about me?

Do I want to be remembered as someone who just talked the talk or remembered as someone who walked her walk?

I want to walk the walk!

I want to live my truth.

I want to stop worrying all the time that I won’t have enough and start believing that I can have abundance in my life. I want to stop living with an attitude of scarcity and start living with an attitude that all I need will be provided. I want to live more consciously and understand why I choose to behave in certain ways. I want to find my way back to spirit and faith and myself - the deepest part of myself.

I used to believe this. I used to know in my heart and soul that I would be cared for by the universe. That all I had need of would be provided for me when I needed it. This belief was so strong. I used to have an altar in honour of the Great Goddess within me. I used to meditate and speak to the Goddess regularly. My faith was a part of my life, a part of me.

I lost this faith during our 7 long, harsh years of secondary infertility treatments. Every month I would ask the universe to give me the one thing we wanted: another child. A sibling for Teaghan. I could not understand why others were able to have children with no effort and yet I could not. It was so unfair!!! Why did the universe send us another child after 2 long years of trying only to take that child away in a miscarriage? Why did we try for 5 more years and go through so many painful, heart wrenching cycles only to never have the universe bless us again? We had to finally make the decision to stop trying and, still, five years later I am aware of a void in our family. Our daughter, Teaghan, is now almost 13 and still wishes for a sibling every time she wishes on a star or throws a penny in a pond or blows out her birthday candles. I have still not completely come to terms with our inability to have another child. I have accepted that it will never happen but it still remains the only true regret I have in my life.

My faith in the universe eroded during this time and was replaced by an attitude of scarcity. An attitude that I would not be given what I need, that I would not be provided for. I gave up on my faith and just took each day as they came. This attitude of scarcity has led to depression, marital difficulties, debt, health issues. My creativity is probably the one thing that has saved me, kept me going and left a small part of me open to the idea of spirit.

It is so hard to admit that my thinking has led me to where I am now. That I have no one to blame but myself. That the problems with my husband could have been avoided, that I didn't need to get myself so deeply in financial debt, that if I had taken care of myself physically and spiritually my health would not have suffered. I hate that I created this reality. But it is also so very, very, very empowering to know that I have the ability to change where I am right now. To choose another path. To begin to walk my walk. And that is exactly what I intend to do!!!

Secret # 9

We are on Secret 9 now in our 12 Secrets of Highly Creative Women book club. This chapter is called Transcending Rejections and Roadblocks.

To be honest, I wasn’t really interested in this chapter. I do my art for me and not for anyone else. If they like it and want to buy it, that is great, but my sense of self is not tied up in their approval of what I do. Maybe this chapter didn’t connect for me as some have because I have not yet tried to go out there and “sell” my art to anyone. The one gallery that is selling my jewellery came to me! I am considering going to some shops here in town and seeing if they are interested in carrying my work but have not yet decided. I hope that if I do decide to put myself out there that I will be able to keep the attitude that I love what I have done and that I am fine regardless of whether a shop decides to take me on. I never want to go back to that place of my younger years where what I think others think about me is more important than what I think about myself.

I suppose the concept of rejections could apply in that I have had people in my life who do not support me or who see my success as bringing them down. They have rejected me and my creativity in a variety of ways over the years. I used to get so upset when this happened (I will admit that I do still get upset on occasion!). For the most part I now avoid these people. I have let some friendships go because the relationship was not a healthy one for me. Yet, I do still have some people in my life who I am not able to completely avoid (for a number of reasons) and I try very hard to take the negativity and criticism those people direct towards me and just let it roll off of me like water on a duck’s back. I realize now that their negativity is their issue NOT mine. I figure that I have enough on my own plate as I grow and mature without taking on their stuff, too!!! This has become easier as I have grown older but I have in no way, shape or form completely perfected this technique!

Thankfully, it is true that with age comes wisdom. I have finally come to the realization that no one can make me feel badly about myself without my permission. I try my best to surround myself with positive people who bring me up and give me joy. I no longer really care if people “get” my creativity or art. I create for myself and because I have to. To not create would be like not breathing. It brings me peace, comfort and joy. It is my soul-full place. I am happy being me. I am happy with what I do each day, with my career, my art, my life. This was not always so and I know how blessed and fortunate I am to be able to say those three simple words: I am happy.

Secret #8 - Selecting Empowering Partnerships & Alliances

 Okay, so Secret #8 in 12 Secrets of Highly Creative Women by Gail McMeekin is called Selecting Empowering Partnerships and Alliances.

Not so sure what this chapter meant to me. I am not much of a team player in the real world- I don’t go into team sports or anything like that. I am more of a go for a run by myself kind of a gal. The same applies to my creativity and art. I like to work by myself, on my own schedule, doing what intrigues me at the moment. That said, I have dipped my feet into alliances and art group/partnerships over the years. And I know that I will probably dip my feet in again in the future. I must say that I really love the web groups/alliances I have. They fit very well with my personality and my need to do things at my own pace.

About 7 years ago now, I was with a group of ladies who formed our own group after doing a workshop on the book The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron. We met for about 4 years and worked our way through her other books. We eventually began teaching each other different art techniques - we all had different interests from collage to painting to doll making to jewellery to quilting. This was very inspiring for awhile and fueled me to keep moving and try new things.

Yet, over time it became clear that those of us trying new ideas and stepping out of our comfort zones made the others feel uncomfortable. The group did not end well. I was accused of trying to change people and MAKE them try new things. (Oh, if only I really had that power!!! I would never have to worry about another child in my classroom being lazy or wasting their learning time!!!!) I left the group and two others went with me. The three of us kept meeting for about another year.

The splinter group of three has now dwindled down to two. Carol and I meet every month or so to create or to just get together for coffee. I value this friendship very much and love the times we get together to make art - we have different interests so I often get to try things that are out of my comfort zone. I like having the chance to play at new things without having to take them on full fledged. I am glad that I was in this group but don’t know that I will ever try to do a group like this again.

I am also in an alliance with my friend, Maarten. He owns the gallery, Slice of Life, where my jewellery is for sale. I met Maarten through buying his amazing paintings. My family goes over to Gabriola Island, where Maarten lives, every Thanksgiving when the many artists on the island hold open houses. We became friends and when he and his husband, Mark, decided to open a gallery he asked if I would like to be one of the featured artists. What a compliment! Since I started this alliance with him, I have sold a number of pieces and been able to take part in two shows at the gallery. This is the show I am in right now.  

Currently I am thinking about what I can do for the next show. It is entitled Around the World. I know that I will come up with something but right now my mind is a blank!

I am really interested in working with groups on the web. I have joined the Love It Forward group started by Keron Lee at the Colourguru. I am currently making dolls to send to children in Australia who have lost everything due to the horrific fires in Victoria. I am also really interested in getting involved in some jewellery swaps but don’t really know how to go about it. I took part in One World - One Heart both because I loved the idea and also because I do want to make more art web connections. This is also part of the reason I am doing this book group on 12 Secrets with The Next Chapter group. I visit so many amazing blogs and I would love to have more connection with some of the artists. I am involved in a number of web groups for my teaching and I value the friendships, advice and encouragement I have there more than I can say. I hope that over time I will be able to say that I have made art friendships through the web as well.